


when it's clear

by littlehands



Series: no light, no light [3]
Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-22
Updated: 2012-05-22
Packaged: 2017-11-05 19:21:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/410113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlehands/pseuds/littlehands
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>The only Russian he knows is from her nightmares.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	when it's clear

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Elyssa](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Elyssa).



_you are the nighttime fear / you are the morning when it's clear_

The only Russian he knows is from her nightmares. Beyond the muttered curses and quips, she won’t speak it in public. At night, she screams, cries, all in words he can’t understand; the pain, the overwhelming fear in her voice, the tired sobs of guilt and anguish. She’d a different person at night - with him, only with him - maybe a more truthful version of herself. He understand but can never say so. Comfort is without strings, without caveats. He takes the abuse, heavy fists and kicks. He can only hold her, or try to contain her. To push back at the demons, to push back at the past.

She always finds a way to him, comes silent and soft, sliding besides him, without a word. She whispers hello and he rolls over. She pushes the sheets from his body, wanting to be as close as she can be, skin to skin. Toeing off shoes, she crawls up the bed to him. 

He whispers back a low hello. She presses her face to his chest, exhale - inhale. He pulls her in gentle pressure, gentle touch. He tangles in fingers in her hair, intertwined with curls - she murmurs and pulls him closer. Legs interlock, her hips snug against his frame. Eyes close, his shoulders relax, she breathes out and in, body warm and soft. 

They both dream in shades of red and gray. Dreams of what has happened and what is yet to come. Of past and present. Of sin and loss. Of love and pain.

She cries out, low and harsh. A sob - a flinch. Pushing against his chest, away from a demon, away from his arms. He awakes slowly, sharply aware of her moments, she grows more agitated, stronger. She kicks at him with no form, no training, just the desperate movements of a scared girl. She cries out _fire_ , struggled against him. He knows this one, knows this dream. He releases her, pushing his back to the wall and the edge of the bed. She thrashes against the flames, pulling at the sheets for purchase. He watches helpless as she panics. 

She awakes with a start, a sharp inhale and a gulp for air. She looks at him, all hair and eyes, before the mask, before the memories kick in. She looks young to him - they are young but bodies ache and hearts fail quickly in this job - just that fleeting moment when she looks like a woman he’d meet in a dive bar, dance in the rain with. Normal - as if he’s normal. Just the imprint of the woman she could have been, of the man he can’t be. 

He reaches out slow and deliberate, pushing the locks off her brow, damp in the humid air, she just stares. At him, but not really seeing him, she’s lost. He whispers her name, only her name. Pet names are for jobs and jokes - to each other they are simply a name, not a codename, just a name. He never tells her that it’s okay, or that she’s safe ‘cause that’s a lie. They are never really safe, never really alone - demons are within and all around. They’ll break free if you let them, he knows how much control it takes her to stay present, a slippery slide into a guilt and lost hope. 

She blinks, eyes focus and lock with his. She reaches across the bed, pulling him to her - her to him, slotting herself in his arms and legs. She’s warms against him, like the thousand other nights. Same pattern, same game - a constant.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Birthday Elyssa. My humble offering, I hope you like it. 
> 
> My standard disclaimer - unedited and totally spastic. I'm sorry it's about the two of them in bed again, I feel like I've gotten it out of my system, on to new things. Thank goodness, I only seem to rip off my own fics.


End file.
